Kerry Campaign: Never Ending Disappointment

As a bitter, disgruntled Democrat there is nothing I love more than wallowing in the miserable disappointment of the Kerry campaign. Thanks to Jacob Nielsen for allowing me to do this a little more. Nielsen points out yet another way they screwed up in their use of campaign newsletters.

I, of course, received the Kerry newsletter and I read it in the beginning. Then I began to realize that I had actually subscribed to a fundraising appeal. There was almost never anything interesting in it except the new way they found to ask for my money. In October I changed my email address and never renewed my subscription. Just as Nielsen says, Kerry clearly exceeded the limit.

Apparently, Kerry kept asking for money when he should have been asking for votes. Especially since Kerry finished the campaign with SIXTEEN MILLION IN THE BANK! Kerry passed up a chance to energize his voters and bring people to the polls to raise money he didn't even need!

Our only hope is the other Democrats have learned from his mistakes.

It's Not Just For Princess Leia Anymore

I was trying to imagine what the best, most effective newsletter would look like. I decided it would be completely personalized to the voter and their interests and give the appearance that it was coming straight from the candidate. After all, who wouldn't rather have a personal conversation with a candidate than just read a generalized newsletter.

Then I read this article about the scientists developing a way to use the Internet for teleportation. They obviously haven't done it yet, but what if it's only a matter of time!

Imagine it is 2012 - you open your email and out pops a 3-D Barak Obama, about to go on to a landslide presidential victory, talking to you about the issues you care about. As we all know from the convention, Senator Obama is a powerful and moving speaker. Since by 2012 the average soundbite will probably be about 2 seconds, paid media may be the only way the voters get ever hear him. How engaged would voters be if he stood in front of them to talk about their interests once a week.

Nielsen states that half of the reason for a newsletter is to "create an emotional bond." How much stronger would that bond be if the candidate stood in your living room once a week and told you what he was thinking!

Now THAT would be a newsletter!

But You'll Still Give US Money, Right?

Those stupid corporations are once again messing things up for the rest of us. A new study released on Wednesday shows that American consumers are becoming more and more reluctant to make purchases on the Internet. I thought that Americans didn't have time for any news that didn't involve Michael Jackson, but clearly they have been paying attention to the recent announcements by Choicepoint Inc. and Lexis Nexis.

Clearly voters are concerned about the security of their personal information on the Internet, and that fear is inhibiting the full potential of e-commerce.

Oh crap! And worse than that...

Litan said her research also shows consumers are not satisfied with the way the federal government has responded. "There have been hearings ... but it's not like they've done anything," she said.

So, we have consumers who are scared to buy on the Internet and blame politicians. This has huge implications for online fundraising.

It is crucial that candidates pay attention to the security measures discussed in Winning Campaigns Online. Without a visible commitment to data privacy, by having a visible privacy policy, collecting personal data only on a secure server and not sharing personal information without consent, voters will stop submitting those vital contributions.

Come on Baby, Fill My Inbox

I find it amusing that Jakob Nielsen, in his report on Newspaper Useability, grades the campaigns down for not "setting user's expectations." Now, what does he imagine users think when they sign up for a candidate's newsletters? "Gee, I'll sign up for this newsletter and maybe I'll win a new car?" Nope. Users sign up for one of four reasons:

1. They want to be asked continually for "desperately needed" money.
2. They want to receive positive, issues-based information that they can happily forward on to their vehemently Republican (or Democrat) Uncle Bob to annoy him.
3. They want to receive bitter, partisan attacks on the other candidate that they can happily forward on to Uncle Bob to really annoy him.
4. It's a class assignment...

What he should really grade them down on is actually fulfilling the preceding expectations. My experience with campaign newsletters is that they come too often and are filled with nothing, but fundraising appeals and garbage.

I would be much more likely to read a campaign newsletter that focused on one issue in depth and included links to outside articles or information supporting the candidates views. I'd be incredibly impressed if one included an article on the opposing view with rebuttal commentary by the candidate.

Until candidates put their resources toward producing something of value, they aren't getting anywhere near my inbox.

Get Some at the White House

Heidi Fleiss a.k.a The Hollywood Madam is planning to open a brothel in Nevada that looks just like - wait for it - the White House.

Don't waste your money on big, fancy studies. THIS is what American's think about our political system.

I wonder how much it costs to sleep in her Lincoln Bedroom?

Look Ma - I'm a Journalist

Alternate title for this post: Are Americans Brain-Dead or Was This A Joke?

Somebody did a poll and it found that roughly 30% of Americans consider Bob Woodward a journalist while 27% consider Rush Limbaugh a journalist. Bob Woodward! The man who brought down a president!

Seriously. I am not making this up.

And do you know who they REALLY thought was a journalist...Peter Jennings! Which leads me to two questions:

1. Did the respondents speak English?
2. Should I jump out the window or just drink this bottle of Windex?

This TOTALLY explains Bush's reelection.

Happy Juneteenth!

Sunday is 140th Anniversary of the Juneteenth Celebration and (because I'm forced to) it has really made me think about the Internet.

Juneteenth celebrates the day that news of the Emancipation Proclamation finally reached Galveston, Texas and the last group of slaves. The date was June 19, 1865 - two and a half years after the Emancipation Proclamation became law!

Now, let's contrast that with the Michael Jackson verdict - obviously news of much less importance. The verdict was read at approximately 5:15 pm and sadly, I heard it live on streaming video as my entire office sat in rapt attention. At 5:55 pm, I walked into class and asked who had heard the verdict. Everyone had.

Amazing! Sunstein says we are losing our sense of community because we don't have shared events, but just 140 years ago the largest shared event of their lifetime took two and half years to reach everyone. With the Internet, even minor and largely unimportant events like the Jackson trial have become shared experiences.

So, to review:
1865 = 29 months to hear the news of a lifetime
2005 = immediate access to news I will forget tomorrow
Sunstein = still wrong

I Just Want A Pizza!

I'm not sure how they did it, but apparently IPDI has coordinated with Pizza Hut to provide a case study in worst practices in e-commerce. This was very convenient since I was reading their fundraising primer while trying to order a pizza.

Here is a dramatic reenactment of my attempt to order a pizza through an e-commerce system designed by the brain-dead:

"Gee," says the hard-working Femocrat, "I'm hungry and would like a pizza. Since I am handcuffed to my computer, I will log on and order a pizza from Pizza Hut. It will be easy!" The Femocrat navigates to the website, where she has been before, but back when she had a different e-mail address.

First Annoying Obstacle
There is no way to log on and change her e-mail address, so she must create a whole new account. Then, when she creates the new account it tells her she already has an account and DELETES all of the information she just spent her precious time entering. (insert first obscenity here)

Second Slightly Nitpicky Obstacle
A poor graduate student, she clicks on the "coupons and deals" button, but instead of taking her to coupons and deals, it takes her to the menu page. If she had wanted to see the menu - she would have clicked on the menu.

Third Dizzying Obstacle
Still desperately trying to get a pizza, she clicks the order button, which takes her to a page that is SO complicated that she'd have to have a PhD in pizza ordering to use it. It includes a long list of radio buttons underneath little boxes that appear to be semaphore code. "I'm not signaling a ship! I just want to order a (insert string of obscenities here) pizza!"

Fourth and Final Obstacle
Finally, she figured out the intricate ordering system and is ready to enter her information. However, it's not secure! That's right - the whole world could see her pizza order until the very last screen, where she puts in her credit card number. (String of obscenities too long to print)

You will all be relieved to hear that I did get my pizza, but Pizza Hut made it as difficult as possible for me to give them my money. As far as I can tell, they broke pretty much every rule in the IPDI primer, so I guess it is a good thing they aren't running for anything.

Fascist Microsoft has No Soul

This just in: The Europeans were right, Microsoft really is the Devil! To be fair (and balanced?) , Microsoft joins Yahoo and Google in what I like to call, the Axis of Censorship.

As the newest member of the Axis, Microsoft has programmed their new China-based Internet portal to block such hurtful and damaging words as: democracy, freedom and human rights. Anyone who tried to use these treasonous words will get the following message,

This item should not contain forbidden speech such as profanity. Please enter a different word for this item.

That's right - the word democracy is now considered "forbidden speech." Anyone who uses the MSN blog service in China can't write about, well, exactly what the Chinese people need to be blogging about!

I wonder if they banned the word anti-trust just for good measure?

Give Me Your Money or My Volunteers Will Call You Every 5 Minutes for the Rest of Your Life!

Its pretty much considered gospel truth in campaign fundraising that the best prospects to ask for money are people who have already given you money. Even John Kerry knows that, just ask Justin.

So I was surprised, when reading the fundraising chapters in Winning Campaigns Online that there was no mention of that time-honored strategy: the follow up pitch. It seems to me that if you are going to automate your thank-you letters, you should also automate your monthly follow up pitch.

Of course, if you're going to ask for more, you'd better have something to give, which could mean a new section on the website or access to the website VIP lounge. Whatever it is, you've got to keep asking so you might as well make it a part of your system.

One final note: When you lose - and you lose because your campaign was an utter disgrace - make no mistake, that's when its time to stop asking.